For the Routine part of the problem, it stems with Alexa registering Routines and devices by account.
So I setup all the echoes on the wife's account when we first got it. Then I made me an account and joined the household.
Started adding more devices and Routines on my phone, which didn't work for her, because the Echoes were logged in as her.
Turns out I need to do double work to make routines add devices (ex switches) on her phone and mine if I want an Echo signed in as me (like in my Office where accessing my calendar, etc is useful).
For now, I think it's simpler for most people to stick with a single account, with regard to the Echoes.